Cruise "out of" Control

The Little Gringo and his Mama

My family and I just came back from a Christmas Cruise to the Mexican Riviera. The Ship was a floating city with 2600 passengers and approximately 1200 crew members. It was 288 meters long and weighed about 116,000 tons. The mantra of the Princess Cruise line is “Escape Completely” and that is exactly what we did.

We were at the Edmonton airport at 440am (groan) to catch the flight to Seattle. From there we boarded another plane to Los Angeles. My grandson Nicholas adjusted very well to flying. In fact, he became a perpetual motion machine, climbing from one of our laps to the next and fidgeting with everything in site. He learned how to raise and lower the window shades, how to unhook the tray and turn on the overhead lights. He did this 20 times in a row with a concentrated effort. His energy was boundless.

It was raining when we arrived, but nothing could dampen our spirits. We lined up with hundreds of other passengers and were entered into the ship’s passenger list. They ushered us along, processed our papers and took our picture. By the time we got to our cabins, it was past 4 pm, almost 12 hours since our departure. What we really needed was a nap, but we had barely opened our suitcases, when the alarm sounded for the Muster Station drill. We were marched down to the 7^th deck and were instructed on how to put on a life jacket and handle an emergency I thought of the Titanic and how many lives could have been saved if such a system had been in place.

Then the cruise officially began. What followed was seven days and nights of continuous revelry, feasting, drinking, self indulgences and entertainment. There was something for everyone, from Bingo to Art Auctions; Ceramics at Sea to Line Dancing; Interdenominational Church Services to Casinos ; Movies to Live Stage Shows. I was familiar with the floor plan, since it was identical to the ship on my last cruise. Even the lounges and decks had the same name. This was reassuring, since I tend to get disoriented very easily. Turn me around once in a mall and I won’t find the exit.

The food was never ending. We were like Tolkien’s Hobbits, indulging in first breakfast, second breakfast, mid-morning snack, lunch, afternoon tea, early supper and finally a formal dinner at one of the 5 star restaurants. Every night I promised myself never to eat again and every morning, all bets were off! Our waistlines expanded exponentially and we thanked God for Spandex and stretch leggings.

We were curious about how all this glorious food was prepared, so we attended a demonstration by the head Chef. His passion for cooking and fine cuisine was clearly evident as he made a few entrees and desserts for his appreciative audience. Then we had a tour of the well stocked galley. It was stainless steel from wall to wall and very well organized.

We followed the route of the of the original Love Boat Show and almost expected Captain Stubing and his cohorts to appear at any moment, but the only stars we saw were the ones in the night sky.

The passenger list included people of every age group. Families, couples and singles mingled effortlessly, congregating at the Buffet and swimming pools on the Lido Deck. The atmosphere was casual and friendly and everyone seemed to be having a great time.

The crew and support staff made us feel very welcome and did everything they could to ensure our comfort and well being. Nicholas was fussed over and given special treats such as chocolates and cookies. He always had a small box of cereal to nibble on and left a trail of Fruit Loops all over the ship. He soon learned how to charm the other passengers with that “come hither” look. He was at his best in the elevators, making eye contact with the ladies and they always responded with smiles and attention.

We participated in some shore excursions. Christmas Day was spent on a Pirate Ship in Puerto Vallarta. The pirates entertained us with sword fights and encouraged our participation in singing and dancing. Dolphins swam alongside the boat and we even saw a few whales. Then we were piled into smaller boats and taken to a remote island with a private beach. I imagined myself as a castaway or a captive as I stumbled and struggled in and out of the crafts. Three Mexicans dressed as pirates held on to me and I kept hearing “I’ve got you Mama!”. Somehow I landed on the beach, a little embarrassed at my undignified descent. I sat at the water’s edge and let the waves push me along. Later I found sand in the most unmentionable places.

Nicky was afraid of the crashing waves, but we found a quiet lagoon where he played in the sand. We found tiny hermit crabs at the water’s edge. Life is everywhere if you know where to look. I had planned to do a bit of snorkelling on the reef, but this activity was cancelled due to the recent bloom of jelly fish. Their populations have increased worldwide, partly due to the rising ocean temperatures. Another stark reminder of the changes happening to our planet.

Our next day was in Mazatlan. The boys went Deep Sea Fishing and we girls decided to shop till we dropped. For a $10 cab fare we were taken to the prime tourist area of town. I practiced my bargaining techniques and was able to purchase quite a few trinkets for under $80. My daughter was in full bargaining mode, as she set her jaw, pursed her lips in a disinterested pout and scanned the shelves. When she made a selection, she invariably offered less than 50% of the list price and then started to leave the store. The negotiations continued until an agreeable price was achieved. It was the “Classic Kostelnik Manoeuvre“. My dad would be so proud! Dannielle was hesitant at first, but soon gained confidence as she watched us. By the end of the day she was a full fledged bartering diva, quibbling over pesos like a seasoned veteran.

The last shore excursion was at Cabo San Lucas on the southern tip of the Baja Peninsula. We took a bus tour through the desert landscape. The guide explained the history of the area and some of the ongoing efforts to preserve this fragile ecosystem. We visited Todos Santos and ate lunch at the original Hotel California, immortalized by the Eagle’s song of the same name. We ate Tamales steamed in corn husks, a tortilla, salsa, refried beans and guacamole. All this was washed down with Corona beer and a lime twist. I ignored the possibility of a gout flare-up and eased my thirst with that refreshing brew. We should not live in fear of what might happen. The time to live and enjoy is now! Savour every moment as I savoured that beer.

Back on the “Mother ship” I must confess we played a few rounds of bingo. I usually avoid the 3 B’s ( Bingo, Bowling and Bars), but my defences tumbled by the lure of easy money and available drinks. Thank God they don’t have bowling! (they have practically everything else). I might have gone for the trifecta! Everyone kept reminding us that we’ll never see these people again and to let our inhibitions fly. What they forgot to mention is that we’ll probably end up in embarrassing poses on Facebook for all the world to see. As we prepared to leave on the last day, I saw myself on the big screen in the theatre, dancing in the conga line with a silly grin on my face. That day on the pirate ship had come back to haunt me. Next, I had visions of myself in an “Old Girls Gone Wild” video, or even worse, “Grammie Goes Gaga over Ganga”. Heaven help us.

It may sound glamorous to work on a cruise ship but quite the opposite is true. The staff work very long hours and sometimes spend months at sea, away from their loved ones. Realizing this, I made a promise to myself to be more appreciative of my own job. We can all find things to complain about, but it is much better to cultivate an attitude of gratefulness.

The last day was spent preparing to disembark and enjoying those precious rays of the warm tropical sun. Our seven day cruise was in it’s final stages.

The temperature was -27C when we arrived home, a brutal reintroduction to our Alberta winter. I took a deep breath and reminded myself to be grateful.

And now I am back at work, settling into my old routine and dreaming of my next adventure…..Costa Rica anyone?