Doing the Technology Two-Step

Doing the Technology Two Step

Technology began when the first caveman (or woman) picked up a rock and used it as a tool. All of his friends and family soon followed his example. Rocks were “in” and life was good. Then, someone had a better idea. They improved the rock tool by attaching it to a stick. The handle was born and life was better. I wonder what the older members of the clan thought of this new invention. However, since the life expectancy in the Stone Age was 21, this question is redundant.

Fast forward 35,000 years and we find ourselves in the present day. Our brains haven’t changed, but our tools bear little resemblance to those first inventions. Someone is always finding a better way to do things. Technological advances are like a runaway train and I am barely catching up to the caboose.

If it was up to me, we would probably still be living in caves with our rocks. I have never been mechanically inclined. I know there are many others who feel the same. That does not make it easier. The only way to escape modern technology is to live on a remote island without electricity. Ever since our ancestors started using tools, the rest of us have had to do the “Technology Two Step“. We need to keep learning the Dance, or get lost in the shuffle. Then without warning, someone changes the music! By the time we reach our 50’s we’ve done a lot of dancing. Some of us have been around the block more than a few times. Our feet ache. Our brains are not as receptive to new ideas. We’re technologically challenged.

I see how eager my 16 month old grandson is to learn and understand. His brain is like a sponge. Mine is like a brick. He is not intimidated by buttons. He happily presses each one with reckless abandon. He has even pressed the speed dial on the phone and called his great grandmother on the other side of the country. No problem! On the other hand, I guard my TV remote like a precious jewel. If one of my cats walks on it and (heaven forbid) pushes the wrong button, my TV suddenly goes loud and snowy and I have no idea how to get it back. I call the technical support line in a total panic and can just imagine what they are thinking on the other end of the phone. The worst part is, they always record the conversation to improve quality customer service. They probably use me as an example of how to handle a difficult customer in their training sessions.

Work in the lab has it’s own challenges. In the last ten years, I have had to learn 3 new computer systems. Each time was more difficult than the last. I told my co-workers to just shoot me if we ever need to learn another system. Remembering the fuss I made the last time, I’m sure they will gladly comply with my request.

I recently visited a Future Shop in Edmonton. I felt mildly uncomfortable surrounded by all the new shiny gadgets. I didn’t know what some of them were for, and I didn’t want to ask. The industry is advancing so quickly, anything we buy will be obsolete before we take it out of the box. There is always a newer version waiting to pounce on the unsuspecting consumer. I wonder what happens to all that obsolete equipment. My desk top computer is only 6 years old, but in techno years, it’s more like 60. It certainly acts like a 60 year old, creaking and groaning and moving slower every day. The powers that be (all those 20 and 30 year olds) keep inventing new programs and applications that require upgrades.

Our generation used to say “Never trust anyone over 30”. Now we can amend that to “ Never trust anyone under 30”. The old adage “Necessity is the mother of invention” has been changed to “Invention is the mother of necessity”. If we seriously think about it, the latter is very true. Those of us born in the 1950’s and earlier remember the days before the internet and cell phones. We happily lived our lives in a much simpler time. We never felt disadvantaged or backward. Those modern inventions created a need where there was none before.

Last week I switched to a new Satellite TV provider to save money. The technician who came to the house looked about 12 years old. Have you ever noticed how everyone looks younger as we age? The corollary to this is that everyone looks heavier as we lose weight. Of course I haven’t noticed that lately. It’s all in our perspective and the New Year’s Resolution is still in the works.

Anyway, this 12 year old (he was probably 35 but still young enough to be my son) with a tool belt and sturdy shoes proceeded to install my new HD receiver. I reminded him that I was also getting a new PSP, no, P2P, no, PMS….umm. I stammered and looked up to the ceiling, concentrating intently as if the mysterious letters were written up there.

“You mean PVR?” he asked. “YES!” I said, relieved. Now we were finally getting somewhere. All I know is that I will be able to freeze the action on my TV if I get interrupted during Grey’s Anatomy. I found out later that I can also record shows and then watch them later. Well, maybe everyone else can do that, but it will be a while before I can figure it out. I asked the 12 year old if there was an instruction manual to explain this PVR thing. He looked at me as if I forgot the alphabet and needed a refresher on my ABC’s.

As he gave me a quick tour on the workings of PVR my mind went blank. All I could think of was “I’ll never remember this!”

He said to press the pause button to halt the action.

“Pause? Where does it say pause?” I heard myself say as I put on my reading glasses and peered at the 100+ buttons on the new remote.

He looked at me as if I had sprouted a dunce cap on my head.

“It’s here” he said, pointing to the two little vertical lines. It’s the universal symbol for “pause”.

“Universal symbol? What universe is that? Probably a universe where everyone is under 30 years of age.” I kept these thoughts to myself, but I did say “Why don’t they include manuals for things like that?”

He was very polite but I suspect he secretly decided I was unstable and needed to be tranquilized.

I don’t get along with new technology. My natural inclination is to ignore the contraption for as long as I can and then slowly make eye contact. I learn how to use it eventually, but only after my procrastination has become an embarrassment even to myself. I once bought a new video camera because it was apparently “easy to use” and also because it was red, my favourite color. That poor thing sat in the box under my bed for 3 weeks. I just wasn’t psychologically ready to tackle it. I finally learned how to use it, but it was a painful process and even now, I still need to consult the instruction booklet every time.

The PVR and I are still in the early stages of our relationship. We’re slowly getting acquainted. I’m certain that we will get along eventually, one step or maybe two steps at a time.